Good, educated, far thinking parents will plan try to give a good starting in life to their children depending on their socio-economic, religious beliefs and values. These children will be a blessing to the society . Generally they grow and follow parents’ advises and learn to love, enjoy, become responsible and fulfilled. They are generally self controlled.
Unfortunately most people discipline their children in the same way they were disciplined. This leads to mistakes they learn from their parents transmitted to their offspring.
Effective parenting means communication and discipline. In each area parents have to do a balancing act between freedom and guidance.
How can parents strike a balance?
Children should feel free to express their deepest feelings through speech and actions. This doesn’t mean they can do whatever they please. The children should be allowed to move freely within well defined boundaries for acceptable behavior.
For this Individual parents may choose limits that are more strict or less strict. But this choice is less important than consistency. That means maintaining stable rules of conduct which can give a child a sense of security and stability.
What does consistent discipline mean in practice?
Common errors parents often make that leads to inconsistency should be considered.
Following mistakes are to be avoided.
- Saying one thing and doing something else. Example – You are not given your ice cream if you don’t eat your rice. But you feel sorry or guilty and offer him/her ice cream.
- Making statements you don’t mean. Example – When children are fighting in the rear of the car when you are driving you will tell if you don’t quiet down I am going to stop the car and make you walk home. Finally you don’t do that
- Overstating consequences – Example –“Look what you have done to the living room. I don’t allow you to use this area”. But you allow him
- Changing no to yes. Good example is the parents who first refuses to buy the child a toy and later gives in and buy it
- Not checking to see if the child has actually done something you requested. Example – Watering the flower beds
- Contradicting the rules your spouse has set for the child. Parents need to agree on guidelines for child discipline and not undermine each others efforts
- Not meaning what you say for the first time. The child quickly learn how many times they will be warned before they are actually punished
- Responding differently to the same behavior . Example – One day the child is sent to his room for fighting with his sister. The next day the fighting is over looked
Random discipline makes children feel angry and confused because they cannot control the consequences of their own behavior. Inconsistency also gives children the message that they should not believe in you as they lose trust in what you say.